Spider-Man 3 and the Problem with Comic Book Movie Sequels
Posted on
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
by Gary A. Ballard
Comic books have been a part of my life since my first copy of some Batman comic my mom bought me back in the '70's for a dime. Yes, I am that old and comics used to cost about the same as a piece of bubble gum. You can still get bubble gum for that price, but now you can't get one page from a comic for 10 cents, and the beloved and treasured characters from my four-color days of yore are now gracing the movie screens in multi-million dollar productions. The trend for comic book movies has cooled in recent years, as both Marvel and DC have saturated the market with complete cockups like Ghost Rider and The Punisher and moderate cockups like Superman Returns. The first two Spider-Man movies directed by Sam Raimi were fantastic successes, both creatively and financially, and despite the inclusion of Venom, one of the worst Spider-Man villains ever created, I had high hopes for the third installment. Unfortunately, Spider-Man 3 highlighted a very significant problem with comic book movie sequels. The problem is that namely, Hollywood never knows when to quit.
Spider-Man 3 was a long movie, almost two and a half hours long in fact (139 minutes). While I initially applauded Hollywood's embrace of longer running times due to the success of epics like Lord of the Rings, that success has gone to its collective head. Directors are allowed to go past two hours now, whether the movie actually calls for it or not. M. Night Shamalamadingdong is one of the worst offenders of this principle, dragging movies like Lady in the Water out into excruciating cures of insomnia. Spider-Man 3 needed every minute of that 139 minutes, and about two more hours beyond that. The movie was so crammed full of plots and subplots and new characters that they easily could have made three really good, 90-minute movies. Instead, five different plots are wedged into the movie like smelly hippies in a VW van at Burning Man. Nothing is given room to breathe, no characters are allowed enough time for more than a cursory amount of development, and all catharsis is finally drained because things happen just to get them in within the running time without any rhyme or reason.
WARNING: There will be spoilers below this point. If you haven't seen the movie or had the plot spoiled for you, go read one of my other articles.
The movie has plot threads on top of plot threads. Peter Parker has decided he wants to ask Mary Jane Watson to marry him. Mary Jane is starring on Broadway, but is soon fired for being mediocre. Why she's fired after one mediocre review isn't made clear, because that would take a few minutes of exposition and the movie doesn't have time for that. Harry Osborn, Jr., son of the Green Goblin from the original movie, attacks Peter using upgrades on his dad's gear (and thankfully without the inexpressive statue mask from the first movie) to enact revenge on Spider-Man. In the ensuing battle, Harry gets gobsmacked by a pipe and forgets most of the last few movies, including Spider-Man's identity and the circumstances of his father's death, turning him into a coherent Forrest Gump. Cain Marko, some small-time crook with bad taste in striped shirts is chased by police and turned into a sentient pile of sand, a power he uses as the Sandman to steal money to help his sick kid. Eddie Brock, a lying, over-cologned douchebag of a photographer, is trying to steal Peter's job at the Daily Bugle. An unexplained meteor crashes to earth, oozing a dark, oily, living substance onto Peter's scooter; it's later discovered to be a living being that wants to attach itself to a host like a parasite. Peter meets hot blonde and vacuous lump Gwen Stacy, who is somehow a ditzy model but also in Peter's class in physics. Finally, Peter is being a completely self-absorbed douchebag because Spider-Man is being lauded by the citizens of New York and most of the papers not named Daily Bugle.
That's the first 30 minutes of the movie in a nutshell. The plot only gets worse from there.
Peter becomes even more of a douche, ignoring Mary Jane and blathering about Spider-Man, kissing Gwen Stacy in public as Spider-Man even though he KNOWS his girlfriend is standing in the audience watching. The symbiote bonds with Peter, making a black costume and turning Peter into a floppy-haired emo goth douche that disco-dances in the middle of the goddamned street. I only wish I was kidding about the dancing part. Sam Raimi must have a secret desire to make a musical, because there are at least two dance scenes in this movie, both laughably out of place. Forrest Osborn gets his memory back and forces Mary Jane to ditch Peter. Somewhere in this mess, Emo Douche Peter tries to make MJ jealous and ends up bitchslapping her, driving him to realize the black suit is like, bad, mmmkay? Meanwhile, Eddie Brock steals Peter's job at the Bugle, then gets exposed as a plagiarizer, and when Peter finally rids himself of the black suit symbiote, it latches onto Brock and becomes Venom. But during all that, Black Spidey kills the Sandman by turning him into mud. Emo Douche Peter and Not-Forrest Harry fight, the result being that Harry gets a pumpkin bomb to the face, leaving him scarred even though we've been shown that the Goblin Gas which gives him his powers heals him incredibly quickly. Venom then convinces Sandman that Spider-Man is keeping the Sandman from getting the money to save the sick kid. Now, if the symbiote had all of Spider-Man's memories, he still wouldn't know anything about Cain Marko's sick kid, because I'm not sure that was ever revealed to Peter. Regardless, Venom and Sandman team up to kidnap Mary Jane, luring Spider-Man to a battle royale at a construction site. Not-Goblin Harry joins Peter, they save the girl, kill Venom, let the Sandman go because he tells a sob story and get Not-Invincible Harry killed. Peter and Mary Jane make up at the end, despite his Emo Douche Persona having participated in a bit of "Smack My Bitch Up."
If the preceding paragraphs sounded like a complete cluster fuck, that's the best I can do to make sense of all the plot threads in the movie. The first rule of comic book sequels is that there must be more: more villains, more blowups, more plots and more danger. By the third episode in the series, the combined continuity is more oppressive than most comic books. No one in Hollywood has ever heard of the overkill that was Two-Face and the Riddler in Batman Forever, or the still-twitching abortion that was Mr. Freeze, Bane and Poison Ivy in Batman and Robin. I'm not completely against adding more villains in comic sequels. Most movie-worthy comic franchises have a wealth of great villains to choose from. But the accepted practice seems to be that if more than one villain is included in a sequel, all the villains must tie together, must be connected somehow no matter how illogical. Cain Marko is made to be Uncle Ben's killer from the first movie, in a ham-fisted flashback sequence that makes little sense in light of the first movie. Sandman teams up with Venom to kill Spider-Man, even though it will do nothing to help his dying daughter. Dealing with multiple villains in a superhero comic movie could be handled as separate incidents in the life of a superhero, since that is the format for the monthly comics. What's wrong with Spider-Man defeating Sandman, then having a climactic battle with Venom at the end with no crossover? Or better yet, just having one main villain per movie and shortening the running time?
Spider-Man 3 had all the ingredients for a great Spider-Man movie. Unfortunately, it had too many of those good elements, all of which merged into a confused stew of half-baked plot developments and unrealized potential. If they decide to continue the franchise, I hope that they choose to simplify. Spider-Man stories are about struggles with super-villains and the inequities of life. The ones who struggle shouldn't be the audience.
Spider-Man 3 was a long movie, almost two and a half hours long in fact (139 minutes). While I initially applauded Hollywood's embrace of longer running times due to the success of epics like Lord of the Rings, that success has gone to its collective head. Directors are allowed to go past two hours now, whether the movie actually calls for it or not. M. Night Shamalamadingdong is one of the worst offenders of this principle, dragging movies like Lady in the Water out into excruciating cures of insomnia. Spider-Man 3 needed every minute of that 139 minutes, and about two more hours beyond that. The movie was so crammed full of plots and subplots and new characters that they easily could have made three really good, 90-minute movies. Instead, five different plots are wedged into the movie like smelly hippies in a VW van at Burning Man. Nothing is given room to breathe, no characters are allowed enough time for more than a cursory amount of development, and all catharsis is finally drained because things happen just to get them in within the running time without any rhyme or reason.
WARNING: There will be spoilers below this point. If you haven't seen the movie or had the plot spoiled for you, go read one of my other articles.
The movie has plot threads on top of plot threads. Peter Parker has decided he wants to ask Mary Jane Watson to marry him. Mary Jane is starring on Broadway, but is soon fired for being mediocre. Why she's fired after one mediocre review isn't made clear, because that would take a few minutes of exposition and the movie doesn't have time for that. Harry Osborn, Jr., son of the Green Goblin from the original movie, attacks Peter using upgrades on his dad's gear (and thankfully without the inexpressive statue mask from the first movie) to enact revenge on Spider-Man. In the ensuing battle, Harry gets gobsmacked by a pipe and forgets most of the last few movies, including Spider-Man's identity and the circumstances of his father's death, turning him into a coherent Forrest Gump. Cain Marko, some small-time crook with bad taste in striped shirts is chased by police and turned into a sentient pile of sand, a power he uses as the Sandman to steal money to help his sick kid. Eddie Brock, a lying, over-cologned douchebag of a photographer, is trying to steal Peter's job at the Daily Bugle. An unexplained meteor crashes to earth, oozing a dark, oily, living substance onto Peter's scooter; it's later discovered to be a living being that wants to attach itself to a host like a parasite. Peter meets hot blonde and vacuous lump Gwen Stacy, who is somehow a ditzy model but also in Peter's class in physics. Finally, Peter is being a completely self-absorbed douchebag because Spider-Man is being lauded by the citizens of New York and most of the papers not named Daily Bugle.
That's the first 30 minutes of the movie in a nutshell. The plot only gets worse from there.
Peter becomes even more of a douche, ignoring Mary Jane and blathering about Spider-Man, kissing Gwen Stacy in public as Spider-Man even though he KNOWS his girlfriend is standing in the audience watching. The symbiote bonds with Peter, making a black costume and turning Peter into a floppy-haired emo goth douche that disco-dances in the middle of the goddamned street. I only wish I was kidding about the dancing part. Sam Raimi must have a secret desire to make a musical, because there are at least two dance scenes in this movie, both laughably out of place. Forrest Osborn gets his memory back and forces Mary Jane to ditch Peter. Somewhere in this mess, Emo Douche Peter tries to make MJ jealous and ends up bitchslapping her, driving him to realize the black suit is like, bad, mmmkay? Meanwhile, Eddie Brock steals Peter's job at the Bugle, then gets exposed as a plagiarizer, and when Peter finally rids himself of the black suit symbiote, it latches onto Brock and becomes Venom. But during all that, Black Spidey kills the Sandman by turning him into mud. Emo Douche Peter and Not-Forrest Harry fight, the result being that Harry gets a pumpkin bomb to the face, leaving him scarred even though we've been shown that the Goblin Gas which gives him his powers heals him incredibly quickly. Venom then convinces Sandman that Spider-Man is keeping the Sandman from getting the money to save the sick kid. Now, if the symbiote had all of Spider-Man's memories, he still wouldn't know anything about Cain Marko's sick kid, because I'm not sure that was ever revealed to Peter. Regardless, Venom and Sandman team up to kidnap Mary Jane, luring Spider-Man to a battle royale at a construction site. Not-Goblin Harry joins Peter, they save the girl, kill Venom, let the Sandman go because he tells a sob story and get Not-Invincible Harry killed. Peter and Mary Jane make up at the end, despite his Emo Douche Persona having participated in a bit of "Smack My Bitch Up."
If the preceding paragraphs sounded like a complete cluster fuck, that's the best I can do to make sense of all the plot threads in the movie. The first rule of comic book sequels is that there must be more: more villains, more blowups, more plots and more danger. By the third episode in the series, the combined continuity is more oppressive than most comic books. No one in Hollywood has ever heard of the overkill that was Two-Face and the Riddler in Batman Forever, or the still-twitching abortion that was Mr. Freeze, Bane and Poison Ivy in Batman and Robin. I'm not completely against adding more villains in comic sequels. Most movie-worthy comic franchises have a wealth of great villains to choose from. But the accepted practice seems to be that if more than one villain is included in a sequel, all the villains must tie together, must be connected somehow no matter how illogical. Cain Marko is made to be Uncle Ben's killer from the first movie, in a ham-fisted flashback sequence that makes little sense in light of the first movie. Sandman teams up with Venom to kill Spider-Man, even though it will do nothing to help his dying daughter. Dealing with multiple villains in a superhero comic movie could be handled as separate incidents in the life of a superhero, since that is the format for the monthly comics. What's wrong with Spider-Man defeating Sandman, then having a climactic battle with Venom at the end with no crossover? Or better yet, just having one main villain per movie and shortening the running time?
Spider-Man 3 had all the ingredients for a great Spider-Man movie. Unfortunately, it had too many of those good elements, all of which merged into a confused stew of half-baked plot developments and unrealized potential. If they decide to continue the franchise, I hope that they choose to simplify. Spider-Man stories are about struggles with super-villains and the inequities of life. The ones who struggle shouldn't be the audience.
posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 10:47 AM
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