Raging Douchebag Week: Day 2
Posted on
Monday, April 16, 2007
by Gary A. Ballard
It's Day #2 of Raging Douchebag Week, and today's Raging Douchebag is my favorite bootlicking jackass. While it's true that the Bush Administration could most certainly provide a candidate for every day of this week, and another month besides, this sub-human toadie deserves to be spotlighted above all others for the last few months of actions. Of course, Darth Cheney is a Douchebag Emeritus for repeated acts of unrepentant evil, and Dubya himself is the font of all neocon douchebaggery for enabling its spread, today's Raging Douchebag is in a league of his own. Raging Douchebag #2 hails from the Justice Department; in fact, he's Bush's second Attorney General, a Douchebag of the highest caliber, Alberto Gonzales.
Not content with the hatchet job his predecessor John Ashcroft did to the Constitution, Gonzales has taken to his toadie shitheel bootlicking goosestepper role with a fervor not seen since Watergate. He has covered up or tried to excuse the outright illegalities of this White House with half-assed legal justifications. He has overseen the writing of an even more obscene version of the Patriot Act than Ashcroft put together. He's excused warrantless wiretapping of American citizens with no legal standing and provided no real good reason for why the existing FISA court procedures couldn't be used. He's defended the little shop of horrors that is the military prison at Gitmo. He's justified torture in the name of the war on terror, even going so far as to advocate known torture techniques such as waterboarding, and had a hand in legalizing those discredited and despicable techniques in the Torture Bill. He's allowed intelligence agencies to deport suspects to countries where the suspects were sure to be tortured. He's allowed the FBI to use the threat of national security letters, not even the actual letters themselves but just the mention of them, to gain information from private companies without the proper procedures being followed, even when the investigation had nothing to do with the terrorism those letters are supposed to be used for. He's turned a blind eye to rampant irregularities with government contracts, ballotless electronic voting with ginormous security flaws, as well as conflicts of interests all over the government spending realm.
But what really tops the cake, and hopefully topples him from his position as Attorney General is the recent scandal over the firing of eight U.S. attorneys. He's continually lied to Congress and the American public about his role in the firings, with limp-wristed Reaganite defenses like "I wasn't involved in that decision." That alone should earn him jail time. As more evidence of his culpability becomes public, and thus, immune to denials, he has hemmed and hawed and stuttered his way through half-assed apologies and deflections, in the same breath claiming to take responsibility while foisting the blame off on subordinates. The latest layers of this idiot onion seem to show that, of surprise to no one, Karl Rove directed this ass-kisser to perform the firings, sometimes at the behest of asshole Republicunt Congressmen like Pete Domenici and other times just because the attorney wasn't a Bush loyalist. These attorneys are the guys who decide on the biggest cases in the country. These are the guys you want to be completely non-political in judgement, because they should be expected to prosecute all the worst offenders, regardless of party, social class or celebrity. And he's turned the office of the Justice Department, the office meant to protect and serve the citizens of this country, he's turned that office into Karl Rove's personal fuckpuppet.
His best responses to all the questions he's recently faced from Congress over the scandal were prefaced with "I don't recall." Over 50 times he went to the well of Reaganite amnesia. Not only is he lying, if he were actually telling the truth would anyone want someone afflicted by Alzheimer's in charge of the Justice Department? This man is, after all, part of the apparatus responsible for catching the terrorists which are even now plotting to lite-brite Boston's freeways and overpasses.
You are a worthless lackey, Mr. Gonzales, and a Raging Douchebag of the worst kind. Habeas Corpus is not a town in Texas, jackass, it's a Constitutionally-guaranteed right. It's practically a commandment from the universe, at least the universe where human rights are acknowledged. Burn in an perjury hearing fire, douchebag.
Not content with the hatchet job his predecessor John Ashcroft did to the Constitution, Gonzales has taken to his toadie shitheel bootlicking goosestepper role with a fervor not seen since Watergate. He has covered up or tried to excuse the outright illegalities of this White House with half-assed legal justifications. He has overseen the writing of an even more obscene version of the Patriot Act than Ashcroft put together. He's excused warrantless wiretapping of American citizens with no legal standing and provided no real good reason for why the existing FISA court procedures couldn't be used. He's defended the little shop of horrors that is the military prison at Gitmo. He's justified torture in the name of the war on terror, even going so far as to advocate known torture techniques such as waterboarding, and had a hand in legalizing those discredited and despicable techniques in the Torture Bill. He's allowed intelligence agencies to deport suspects to countries where the suspects were sure to be tortured. He's allowed the FBI to use the threat of national security letters, not even the actual letters themselves but just the mention of them, to gain information from private companies without the proper procedures being followed, even when the investigation had nothing to do with the terrorism those letters are supposed to be used for. He's turned a blind eye to rampant irregularities with government contracts, ballotless electronic voting with ginormous security flaws, as well as conflicts of interests all over the government spending realm.But what really tops the cake, and hopefully topples him from his position as Attorney General is the recent scandal over the firing of eight U.S. attorneys. He's continually lied to Congress and the American public about his role in the firings, with limp-wristed Reaganite defenses like "I wasn't involved in that decision." That alone should earn him jail time. As more evidence of his culpability becomes public, and thus, immune to denials, he has hemmed and hawed and stuttered his way through half-assed apologies and deflections, in the same breath claiming to take responsibility while foisting the blame off on subordinates. The latest layers of this idiot onion seem to show that, of surprise to no one, Karl Rove directed this ass-kisser to perform the firings, sometimes at the behest of asshole Republicunt Congressmen like Pete Domenici and other times just because the attorney wasn't a Bush loyalist. These attorneys are the guys who decide on the biggest cases in the country. These are the guys you want to be completely non-political in judgement, because they should be expected to prosecute all the worst offenders, regardless of party, social class or celebrity. And he's turned the office of the Justice Department, the office meant to protect and serve the citizens of this country, he's turned that office into Karl Rove's personal fuckpuppet.
His best responses to all the questions he's recently faced from Congress over the scandal were prefaced with "I don't recall." Over 50 times he went to the well of Reaganite amnesia. Not only is he lying, if he were actually telling the truth would anyone want someone afflicted by Alzheimer's in charge of the Justice Department? This man is, after all, part of the apparatus responsible for catching the terrorists which are even now plotting to lite-brite Boston's freeways and overpasses.
You are a worthless lackey, Mr. Gonzales, and a Raging Douchebag of the worst kind. Habeas Corpus is not a town in Texas, jackass, it's a Constitutionally-guaranteed right. It's practically a commandment from the universe, at least the universe where human rights are acknowledged. Burn in an perjury hearing fire, douchebag.
Labels: Bush Administration, Government Corruption, Raging Douchebag Week
posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 8:01 PM
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