Raging Douchebag Week: Day 1
Posted on
Friday, April 13, 2007
by Gary A. Ballard
It's that time of year again, the time of year when the worst of the worst, the most useless wastes of genetic material on the planet are dishonored for their vomitous contributions to the decay of humanity. It's time for Raging Douchebag Week, the week that I strike back with extra special venom at the public figures, minor celebrities, game devs, sports icons, political hacks and other idiots who spoil the well of my life. Every day is full of douchebags of all kinds, but these five are kings of the crotchrots, lords of all that is evil and unholy. In short, these are the Raging Douchebags of 2007. Without further ado, I bring you Raging Douchebag #1: Bill O'Reilly!
Fans of O'Reilly's work, otherwise known as knuckle-dragging racist shitheels, likely agree with this tantrums. The rest of society with brain power enough to see through his hate-filled screeds of hypocritical bravado will no doubt be completely unsurprised by his inclusion in this infamous bunch of cunt crabs. O'Reilly is without a doubt one of the most irritating, bull-headed, insulting pundit puppets on the airwaves today. His consistently high ratings tell me that Americans really have succumbed to the most base form of retardation, championing the evil streak that is at the dark heart of the American Dream. That part of the Dream which says, "I got mine and no one else deserves theirs." The part that looks down on those not born of the same opportunities, that wants to turn America's melting pot into a boiling cauldron of anti-brown hatred.
His latest hullaballo, and the video which won him this honor, has been removed by YouTube, likely because it shows what a racist pigfucker he truly is. It involved an incoherent shouting match between Geraldo Rivera and himself. The shouting was ostensibly because O'Reilly was wrong. O'Reilly wanted to blame the death of a girl to a drunk driver not on the drunken driver's alcoholism, but on the Mayor and police of the city where he lived. You see, the driver was also an illegal immigrant. So to O'Reilly, new leader of the Anti-Brown Brigade originally founded by assholes like Pat Buchanan, the death of the girl was an immigration problem. See, in his distorted world view, had the illegal immigrant not been in this country, i.e. had the police and mayor arrested him, he'd not have been here to crash the car in the first place. While there is some bizarro truth to that statement, it is much less true than the fact that had the immigrant just not gotten shitfaced, he'd not have crashed the car. And yet O'Reilly gets red in the face about this guy's immigrant status because it's all illegal immigration's fault. I'm the last guy to stick up for illegal immigrants, as I do believe we have an immigration problem. The problem is due to the capitalistic need for illegally cheap labor to exploit, rampant ineptitude at INS and the refusal of the current administration to put money into anything that doesn't involve either the military or corporate welfare. But immigration didn't kill that girl, drunk driving did.
This type of skewed logic isn't unique to this issue, of course. Months ago, O'Reilly tried to blame the 15-year old victim of a kidnapping for the victim's 4-year captivity. Apparently, the kid didn't try to escape from the adult who held him prisoner because the kid didn't want to go to school, at least that was O'Reilly's opinion. He's consistently called for the silencing of Iraq war critics who want to pull out of Iraq, repeating the "cut and run" propaganda meme most thoroughly beaten to death by the Bush White House. He came up with the ridiculous term "San Francisco Values" to describe Nancy Pelosi, a thinly-veiled bashing of homosexuals at least as offensive as Imus' recent "nappy-headed ho's" comment. His own O'Reilly values are quite suspect, however; thanks to a former employee, we know of his misogynistic tendencies toward phone sex harrassment. And if all that weren't enough, really he's just an asshole of the highest order. He shouts down guests who disagree with him, cuts the mikes of vocal critics who might be winning arguments against him, and generally bullies his way through any interview in which the subject doesn't give lip service to his small-minded, authoritarian ideals.
So with that, we award Day #1's title of the Burning Vinegar Sore to Raging Douchebag Bill O'Reilly. May you rot in hell, you miserable fuck.
Fans of O'Reilly's work, otherwise known as knuckle-dragging racist shitheels, likely agree with this tantrums. The rest of society with brain power enough to see through his hate-filled screeds of hypocritical bravado will no doubt be completely unsurprised by his inclusion in this infamous bunch of cunt crabs. O'Reilly is without a doubt one of the most irritating, bull-headed, insulting pundit puppets on the airwaves today. His consistently high ratings tell me that Americans really have succumbed to the most base form of retardation, championing the evil streak that is at the dark heart of the American Dream. That part of the Dream which says, "I got mine and no one else deserves theirs." The part that looks down on those not born of the same opportunities, that wants to turn America's melting pot into a boiling cauldron of anti-brown hatred.His latest hullaballo, and the video which won him this honor, has been removed by YouTube, likely because it shows what a racist pigfucker he truly is. It involved an incoherent shouting match between Geraldo Rivera and himself. The shouting was ostensibly because O'Reilly was wrong. O'Reilly wanted to blame the death of a girl to a drunk driver not on the drunken driver's alcoholism, but on the Mayor and police of the city where he lived. You see, the driver was also an illegal immigrant. So to O'Reilly, new leader of the Anti-Brown Brigade originally founded by assholes like Pat Buchanan, the death of the girl was an immigration problem. See, in his distorted world view, had the illegal immigrant not been in this country, i.e. had the police and mayor arrested him, he'd not have been here to crash the car in the first place. While there is some bizarro truth to that statement, it is much less true than the fact that had the immigrant just not gotten shitfaced, he'd not have crashed the car. And yet O'Reilly gets red in the face about this guy's immigrant status because it's all illegal immigration's fault. I'm the last guy to stick up for illegal immigrants, as I do believe we have an immigration problem. The problem is due to the capitalistic need for illegally cheap labor to exploit, rampant ineptitude at INS and the refusal of the current administration to put money into anything that doesn't involve either the military or corporate welfare. But immigration didn't kill that girl, drunk driving did.
This type of skewed logic isn't unique to this issue, of course. Months ago, O'Reilly tried to blame the 15-year old victim of a kidnapping for the victim's 4-year captivity. Apparently, the kid didn't try to escape from the adult who held him prisoner because the kid didn't want to go to school, at least that was O'Reilly's opinion. He's consistently called for the silencing of Iraq war critics who want to pull out of Iraq, repeating the "cut and run" propaganda meme most thoroughly beaten to death by the Bush White House. He came up with the ridiculous term "San Francisco Values" to describe Nancy Pelosi, a thinly-veiled bashing of homosexuals at least as offensive as Imus' recent "nappy-headed ho's" comment. His own O'Reilly values are quite suspect, however; thanks to a former employee, we know of his misogynistic tendencies toward phone sex harrassment. And if all that weren't enough, really he's just an asshole of the highest order. He shouts down guests who disagree with him, cuts the mikes of vocal critics who might be winning arguments against him, and generally bullies his way through any interview in which the subject doesn't give lip service to his small-minded, authoritarian ideals.
So with that, we award Day #1's title of the Burning Vinegar Sore to Raging Douchebag Bill O'Reilly. May you rot in hell, you miserable fuck.
Labels: Mainstream Media, Raging Douchebag Week
posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 9:15 AM
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