Bonds SMASH! My Outrage is complete
Posted on
Friday, December 08, 2006
by Gary A. Ballard
Some news stories greet you with a smack in the face, the smack of a towel drenched in sweat and disdain. Such a news story greeted me this morning when I learned of Barry Bonds future with the San Francisco Giants. I, for one, was hoping that no Major League Baseball team would be contemptuous enough of the game of baseball to continue to pay this man to piss on the history of great players like Hank Aaron or Roberto Clemente. Unfortunately, that's the way the sidewalk walks, to quote Chuck D.
Bonds is legendary. He's a legendary home run hitter. He's a legendary hitter in general, not just for mashing the holy hell out of pitcher's mistakes, but also for not hitting bad pitches and taking huge, record-breaking numbers in bases on balls. He's also legendary for being the most obvious steroid-user in baseball since Jose Canseco. He's legendary for being a complete and utter douchebag, a waste of human flesh so full of his own self-importance, he laughs in the face of MLB executives and grand juries who can't quite prove that he's taken steroids despite the pretty damning mountain of evidence which clearly says that he did. And he's laughed at you and me, the fans of baseball. He's laughed all the way to the bank.
But forlorn though it was, I did have a hope that he'd finally done enough to prove that he did not deserve to be in the game of baseball any longer. He's finally gone beyond the pale, and the sport could dump him as unceremoniously as they did Pete Rose once his shame was revealed. By all rights, no one should sign this fucker for even league minimum salary. Not only does his presence in the clubhouse bring the veritable Ringling Bros. of media circuses to the locker room every day, he is living under the shadow of potential grand jury indictments daily, not to mention the small chance that he'll actually test positive for one of those performance-enhancing drugs he shoves into his ass on a regular basis. But in pure baseball terms, when you check the numbers, the numbers don't add up. Last year, he played in only 130 games, didn't even reach 500 plate appearances and had more walks than home runs and RBI's combined. On many teams, he'd be hitting fifth or sixth. He only started in the field 115 times, meaning he's not even an everyday player anymore due to the nagging injuries.
Were it ANYONE else, anyone but fucking Barry Bonds, no team would give him a one-year contract for $3 million. But the Giants, displaying the kind of wisdom that has led to two straight losing years and will likely lead to a third straight last-place finish, have signed him to a one-year deal. And not for $3 million, or $4 million, or even $10 million. No, the Giants have elected to give him $16 MILLION DOLLARS to be a clubhouse distraction, a hotheaded belligerent asshole and hit 26 home runs. That's $615,384 per home run if you're counting, and likely 28 cents per aggravated temper tantrum. There are even incentives in the contract to up the total to $20 million if certain goals are reached.
What the fuck are you thinking? Seriously, what are you thinking? I realize the market for decent sluggers is bad, and that San Francisco fans like him for some unknowable reason, and that he will break Aaron's record this year, which the Giants hope will be done in San Fran. But for every single problem he causes, for the locker room cancers he lets fester, for every game you lose either because you couldn't sign anyone to hit around him or because he couldn't play or because he couldn't hit the homers like he used to, the Giants organization will be getting paid back for all their years of aiding and abetting his criminal lifestyle and disrespect he has shown for the game. I hope for two things: 1) that the contract is guaranteed money and 2) that he breaks his leg on opening day and never plays again.
I don't often wish actual harm on players, but in his case, it would be a karmic lesson to both Bonds and Brian Sabean. Some things come with too high a price. And unless Bonds does break his leg, the people paying that price are baseball fans and the San Francisco fans in particular. I hope they like losing, because signing Bonds all but guarantees it.
Bonds is legendary. He's a legendary home run hitter. He's a legendary hitter in general, not just for mashing the holy hell out of pitcher's mistakes, but also for not hitting bad pitches and taking huge, record-breaking numbers in bases on balls. He's also legendary for being the most obvious steroid-user in baseball since Jose Canseco. He's legendary for being a complete and utter douchebag, a waste of human flesh so full of his own self-importance, he laughs in the face of MLB executives and grand juries who can't quite prove that he's taken steroids despite the pretty damning mountain of evidence which clearly says that he did. And he's laughed at you and me, the fans of baseball. He's laughed all the way to the bank.
But forlorn though it was, I did have a hope that he'd finally done enough to prove that he did not deserve to be in the game of baseball any longer. He's finally gone beyond the pale, and the sport could dump him as unceremoniously as they did Pete Rose once his shame was revealed. By all rights, no one should sign this fucker for even league minimum salary. Not only does his presence in the clubhouse bring the veritable Ringling Bros. of media circuses to the locker room every day, he is living under the shadow of potential grand jury indictments daily, not to mention the small chance that he'll actually test positive for one of those performance-enhancing drugs he shoves into his ass on a regular basis. But in pure baseball terms, when you check the numbers, the numbers don't add up. Last year, he played in only 130 games, didn't even reach 500 plate appearances and had more walks than home runs and RBI's combined. On many teams, he'd be hitting fifth or sixth. He only started in the field 115 times, meaning he's not even an everyday player anymore due to the nagging injuries.
Were it ANYONE else, anyone but fucking Barry Bonds, no team would give him a one-year contract for $3 million. But the Giants, displaying the kind of wisdom that has led to two straight losing years and will likely lead to a third straight last-place finish, have signed him to a one-year deal. And not for $3 million, or $4 million, or even $10 million. No, the Giants have elected to give him $16 MILLION DOLLARS to be a clubhouse distraction, a hotheaded belligerent asshole and hit 26 home runs. That's $615,384 per home run if you're counting, and likely 28 cents per aggravated temper tantrum. There are even incentives in the contract to up the total to $20 million if certain goals are reached.
What the fuck are you thinking? Seriously, what are you thinking? I realize the market for decent sluggers is bad, and that San Francisco fans like him for some unknowable reason, and that he will break Aaron's record this year, which the Giants hope will be done in San Fran. But for every single problem he causes, for the locker room cancers he lets fester, for every game you lose either because you couldn't sign anyone to hit around him or because he couldn't play or because he couldn't hit the homers like he used to, the Giants organization will be getting paid back for all their years of aiding and abetting his criminal lifestyle and disrespect he has shown for the game. I hope for two things: 1) that the contract is guaranteed money and 2) that he breaks his leg on opening day and never plays again.
I don't often wish actual harm on players, but in his case, it would be a karmic lesson to both Bonds and Brian Sabean. Some things come with too high a price. And unless Bonds does break his leg, the people paying that price are baseball fans and the San Francisco fans in particular. I hope they like losing, because signing Bonds all but guarantees it.
posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 10:04 AM
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