Guest Blogging & Book Giveaway Contest
Posted on
Monday, November 23, 2009
by Gary A. Ballard
Heather over at the book blog Book Obsessed has posted a mini-review of Under the Amoral Bridge in front of the guest blog post I've written for her. Head on over to Book Obsessed and read The Genesis of Inspiration. I talk about some of the influences that first led me to write, ranging from my mother to cheesy B-movies and role-playing games. Heather is also giving away a copy of Under the Amoral Bridge, so don't miss out on your chance to win a free copy. And don't forget that from now until Dec. 1st, you can get 25% off the paperback or ebook version of the novel - click here for details. I'd like to thank Heather for the kind words about the book, and for the promotion.
Labels: Cyberpunk, Literature, Science-Fiction
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Thanksgiving Sale on My Debut Cyberpunk Novel
Posted on
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
by Gary A. Ballard
Thanksgiving is coming up and that means it's time for all you responsible bastards to start doing your Christmas shopping early, unlike me who waits until the last minute to do anything. What better gift to give than my thrilling debut cyberpunk novel, Under the Amoral Bridge? From now until Dec. 1st, I'm offering two discount codes, both for 25% off this fantastic read. For the paperback version, go to the CreateSpace store link and use the coupon code HC86CZSY to get the book for $9 + shipping (regular price $12). If you'd prefer the Ebook version, it's available in a ton of Ebook formats on Smashwords.com. Use the coupon code RS46Q to get the Ebook for $6 (regular price $8). I wish I could offer the book on Amazon or the Kindle store with similar coupons, but they do not offer such options at this time. If you're looking for a gift for that science-fiction fan on your list, or if you are a sci-fi fan yourself, you'll love this book! Let's move some paper, people!
Labels: Cyberpunk, Entertainment, Literature, Science-Fiction
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Big News!!! My Self-Published Novel
Posted on
Thursday, September 17, 2009
by Gary A. Ballard
For the last couple of weeks, I've been hinting at some big news in the Bridge Chronicles universe, and now I can finally announce it. Under the Amoral Bridge, the first novel in the Bridge Chronicles series, is being published! Thanks to the great group over at CreateSpace.com, I am self-publishing a physical copy of that first novel. Available now at the Create Space Estore, it will be available at Amazon.com within two weeks. The cost is $12 for a really nice, trade paperback edition. Not only is it the entire first novel exactly as it appeared on the Bridge Chronicles blog, but it includes a Bridge short story that has never been published before. This story, Feeding Autonomy, will only be available in this print edition.
Please buy my book. No, really... buy the book. I'm begging you.
Ok, with the whoring done, let me just explain how this process works. This book will be a print-on-demand book. Both CreateSpace and Amazon will take their cut (a percentage of the price + per-page fee + per book fee) and I get the difference. I get about 50% more off a purchase from the CreateSpace store than from Amazon, which I will attribute to Amazon's discount. Naturally, I'd prefer you buy from CreateSpace (and yes, they offer international sales as well as U.S.) because I make more money, but so long as you buy the book, I get paid. Did I mention I like getting paid? If you do purchase the book, no matter the channel, I ask that you post a review on Amazon.com. Note, I didn't say a positive review. Please be honest, I can take the criticisms - bonus points if you dog the novel in a funny or entertaining way. At this early stage of my career, any press is good press if it gets my name out there to the book-buying public. The worst feedback a writer can get is no feedback at all. Our massive egos are so fragile that we constantly require acknowledgment that someone read our work, even if the reader hated it.
Keep an eye on the Bridge Chronicles blog for more updates, including the upcoming listing on Amazon. Those interested in following my other pursuits can always follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/HaemishM. Thank you for your support of my literary efforts and I hope you enjoy the title.
Please buy my book. No, really... buy the book. I'm begging you.
Ok, with the whoring done, let me just explain how this process works. This book will be a print-on-demand book. Both CreateSpace and Amazon will take their cut (a percentage of the price + per-page fee + per book fee) and I get the difference. I get about 50% more off a purchase from the CreateSpace store than from Amazon, which I will attribute to Amazon's discount. Naturally, I'd prefer you buy from CreateSpace (and yes, they offer international sales as well as U.S.) because I make more money, but so long as you buy the book, I get paid. Did I mention I like getting paid? If you do purchase the book, no matter the channel, I ask that you post a review on Amazon.com. Note, I didn't say a positive review. Please be honest, I can take the criticisms - bonus points if you dog the novel in a funny or entertaining way. At this early stage of my career, any press is good press if it gets my name out there to the book-buying public. The worst feedback a writer can get is no feedback at all. Our massive egos are so fragile that we constantly require acknowledgment that someone read our work, even if the reader hated it.
Keep an eye on the Bridge Chronicles blog for more updates, including the upcoming listing on Amazon. Those interested in following my other pursuits can always follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/HaemishM. Thank you for your support of my literary efforts and I hope you enjoy the title.
Labels: Literature, Science-Fiction
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Updated the Blog Novel
Posted on
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
by Gary A. Ballard
For those wondering about my decreased output over here, it's because of my serial cyberpunk blog novel, called The Know Circuit. It's a sequel to my first blog novel, Under the Amoral Bridge, and is being updated twice weekly, usually on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Today's update brings the story into Chapter 13. Keep watching this space for my more personal, non-fiction writing, and watch The Know Circuit for my science-fiction.
Labels: Literature, Science-Fiction
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posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 9:09 AM
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Attack of the Cloned Goats
Posted on
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
by Gary A. Ballard
So Raging Douchebag Week got cut short and it's been a quiet month on this blog. Bruce Sterling linked a story involving cloned goats on my Twitter this morning, and I felt the need to share. Not just goats being cloned, but an extinct species of goat being cloned from frozen skin cells. We can rebuild them. We have the technology. Of course, they die shortly after birth from defective lung cells, but it's a positive start to a very promising set of research.
I'm certainly not naive enough to think that cloning animals or humans is without ethical conundrums. Would clones have souls? Is it ethical to clone entire flocks of animals merely for food stocks or manual labor? Would cloning a human and forcing him to work be slavery? And of course, do all clones look like Jango Fett but shoot like Barney Fife? Could a single parent make a clone of themselves in lieu of having a child by another person, and would that clone be a child or a creepy freak killer with a head like the Burger King?
The thought of human cloning scares the bejeebus out of anti-abortionists, mainly because it changes the discussion on the magical act of conception. And who wouldn't be freaked out by a fully-functioning clone of themselves - bearing in mind that a clone who was born as an infant would likely turn into a different person if we are to believe that environment shapes personality more than heredity.
What if we could clone ourselves, accelerate the clone's life cycle to the age we wanted to be, then transfer consciousness into the clone? Would that be murder or would we consider a cloned body without a lifetime of environmental stimuli an actual person or mere genetic property?
Cloning is a fantastic concept rife with horrible potential for abuse by the shuffling mass of stupidity that is humanity. I'm overjoyed that scientists are attempting to perfect the techniques. My only hope is that they consider the ethical questions - not just can we do this, but should we? And if the answer to the latter question is yes, how should we proceed? Give me your thoughts on cloning.
I'm certainly not naive enough to think that cloning animals or humans is without ethical conundrums. Would clones have souls? Is it ethical to clone entire flocks of animals merely for food stocks or manual labor? Would cloning a human and forcing him to work be slavery? And of course, do all clones look like Jango Fett but shoot like Barney Fife? Could a single parent make a clone of themselves in lieu of having a child by another person, and would that clone be a child or a creepy freak killer with a head like the Burger King?
The thought of human cloning scares the bejeebus out of anti-abortionists, mainly because it changes the discussion on the magical act of conception. And who wouldn't be freaked out by a fully-functioning clone of themselves - bearing in mind that a clone who was born as an infant would likely turn into a different person if we are to believe that environment shapes personality more than heredity.
What if we could clone ourselves, accelerate the clone's life cycle to the age we wanted to be, then transfer consciousness into the clone? Would that be murder or would we consider a cloned body without a lifetime of environmental stimuli an actual person or mere genetic property?
Cloning is a fantastic concept rife with horrible potential for abuse by the shuffling mass of stupidity that is humanity. I'm overjoyed that scientists are attempting to perfect the techniques. My only hope is that they consider the ethical questions - not just can we do this, but should we? And if the answer to the latter question is yes, how should we proceed? Give me your thoughts on cloning.
Labels: Science, Science-Fiction
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posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 8:43 AM
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Shooting Synergy in the Foot: Star Wars: The Force Unleashed (Wii) Review
Posted on
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
by Gary A. Ballard
There are some pairings so perfect, so obvious, so absolutely made for each other that thinking of one will automatically cause the other to come to mind without urging. Peanut butter and jelly, the Internet and porn, Kirk and Spock, these things just fit together so well one can hardly be blamed for preferring the combination over its individual parts. One of the first thoughts that came to my mind when I saw the Wii in action was Star Wars. How perfect would the nerdgasm be were Lucasarts to create a lightsaber-focused Jedi game with the Wiimote's motion-controls? Without question, Star Wars and videogame nerds everywhere got chubby in the corduroys upon seeing the videos of the release title Red Steel, with all its sword-fighting glory. Why is it then that Star Wars: The Force Unleashed for the Wii is such a stunning disappointment?
All the stars were aligned. A Star Wars game about Darth Vader's hidden Sith apprentice with customisable force powers, motion-controlled light saber fighting and two-player duels would be the ultimate geek wet dream. But from the very get-go, I was left with a puzzled disappointment. Leaving aside the ultimately irrelevant narrative retcon of the Star Wars mythos, the presentation of the game is mediocre at best. The graphics are not even on par with the better PS2 games, and games like Metroid Prime: Corruption has already ably demonstrated that the system has the horsepower to push some impressive graphics. Yet this title is rife with flat texture works and inconsistent use of lighting and shading. Star destroyers in particular look awful, flat colored polygons with tiny bits of detail and no lighting effects. Yet your character's personal ship has plenty of detail and shading applied. The technical aspects of the system's graphics hardware count for nothing if the artists half-ass their way through the game.
The voice acting suffers from a similar inconsistency. While Vader and the Stormtroopers are certainly well-represented, the main character cannot seem to decide whether to speak with an affected British accent or an accentless American reading. This could all be forgiven if the game play lived up to the potential. Unfortunately, that is the exact area where the game falls apart the worst.
Now I realize that the original Wiimote with the addition of the upcoming MotionPlus attachment is probably not as precise an instrument as I at first thought. But a very flawed game like Red Steel managed to do what a Star Wars game could not, make sword-fighting fun even though the Wiimote does not map 1:1 arm movement onto the screen. Perhaps it was Red Steel's use of first-person perspective as opposed to the FU's 3rd person, a change which makes a big difference in immersion. But I tend to think the reason FU doesn't feel that immersive is because the controls are downright sloppy. Not only does the character not respond in kind to the Wiimotions, I never felt like I needed to do anything more than flail around in order to kill anything but a boss. I am reminded of the typical gameplay of No More Heroes, which was overly boring except on the boss fights. The force powers are fun, but many require motions on the nunchuk that aren't intuitive. The 3rd person camera was one great big bag of dick, constantly flipping around the character unbidden, causing me to lose my target. Though the D-pad allows me to control the camera, the D-pad isn't really well-placed for the kind of quick use I needed to switch the camera in combat situations. The Nunchuk's imprecise analog stick doesn't help in this respect either.
But one of the most irritating things about the game involved the boss fights. Rather than the exciting swingfests of a game like No More Heroes, the boss fights in FU are tedious affairs littered with jarring QTE's (Quicktime events). Rather than relying on the player's skill with the lightsaber and force powers to defeat bosses, every boss has certain stages of health loss that necessitate passing a QTE. Failure results in the boss's health being reset to the last stage. While some games use these effectively (Resident Evil 4 comes to mind), the use of QTE's in FU just breaks what little immersion the game has. Two hours into the game and I decided that I had had enough. The story wasn't interesting enough to endure mediocre gameplay and sloppy controls.
Seeing the mess that Lucasarts came up with for FU (a wholly appropriate acronym I might add) makes me appreciate the flawed brilliance of No More Heroes' boss fights even more. The fact that FU for the Wii has a duel mode that is not online-enabled is just another sore spot. Given the sloppiness of the controls, the weak graphics and voice acting, I'm forced to give this title a 5 stars out of 10. The only thing saving it from a lower score is the fun force powers like Choke and Lightning. But not even choking the shit out of a Stormtrooper can make up for the title's shortcomings.
All the stars were aligned. A Star Wars game about Darth Vader's hidden Sith apprentice with customisable force powers, motion-controlled light saber fighting and two-player duels would be the ultimate geek wet dream. But from the very get-go, I was left with a puzzled disappointment. Leaving aside the ultimately irrelevant narrative retcon of the Star Wars mythos, the presentation of the game is mediocre at best. The graphics are not even on par with the better PS2 games, and games like Metroid Prime: Corruption has already ably demonstrated that the system has the horsepower to push some impressive graphics. Yet this title is rife with flat texture works and inconsistent use of lighting and shading. Star destroyers in particular look awful, flat colored polygons with tiny bits of detail and no lighting effects. Yet your character's personal ship has plenty of detail and shading applied. The technical aspects of the system's graphics hardware count for nothing if the artists half-ass their way through the game.
The voice acting suffers from a similar inconsistency. While Vader and the Stormtroopers are certainly well-represented, the main character cannot seem to decide whether to speak with an affected British accent or an accentless American reading. This could all be forgiven if the game play lived up to the potential. Unfortunately, that is the exact area where the game falls apart the worst.
Now I realize that the original Wiimote with the addition of the upcoming MotionPlus attachment is probably not as precise an instrument as I at first thought. But a very flawed game like Red Steel managed to do what a Star Wars game could not, make sword-fighting fun even though the Wiimote does not map 1:1 arm movement onto the screen. Perhaps it was Red Steel's use of first-person perspective as opposed to the FU's 3rd person, a change which makes a big difference in immersion. But I tend to think the reason FU doesn't feel that immersive is because the controls are downright sloppy. Not only does the character not respond in kind to the Wiimotions, I never felt like I needed to do anything more than flail around in order to kill anything but a boss. I am reminded of the typical gameplay of No More Heroes, which was overly boring except on the boss fights. The force powers are fun, but many require motions on the nunchuk that aren't intuitive. The 3rd person camera was one great big bag of dick, constantly flipping around the character unbidden, causing me to lose my target. Though the D-pad allows me to control the camera, the D-pad isn't really well-placed for the kind of quick use I needed to switch the camera in combat situations. The Nunchuk's imprecise analog stick doesn't help in this respect either.
But one of the most irritating things about the game involved the boss fights. Rather than the exciting swingfests of a game like No More Heroes, the boss fights in FU are tedious affairs littered with jarring QTE's (Quicktime events). Rather than relying on the player's skill with the lightsaber and force powers to defeat bosses, every boss has certain stages of health loss that necessitate passing a QTE. Failure results in the boss's health being reset to the last stage. While some games use these effectively (Resident Evil 4 comes to mind), the use of QTE's in FU just breaks what little immersion the game has. Two hours into the game and I decided that I had had enough. The story wasn't interesting enough to endure mediocre gameplay and sloppy controls.
Seeing the mess that Lucasarts came up with for FU (a wholly appropriate acronym I might add) makes me appreciate the flawed brilliance of No More Heroes' boss fights even more. The fact that FU for the Wii has a duel mode that is not online-enabled is just another sore spot. Given the sloppiness of the controls, the weak graphics and voice acting, I'm forced to give this title a 5 stars out of 10. The only thing saving it from a lower score is the fun force powers like Choke and Lightning. But not even choking the shit out of a Stormtrooper can make up for the title's shortcomings.
Labels: Entertainment, George Lucas, Lucasarts, Nintendo, Science-Fiction, Star Wars, Video Games, Wii
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Still Alive
Posted on
Thursday, August 21, 2008
by Gary A. Ballard
Just writing to say that yes, I'm still alive and so is this blog. The work that pays the bills has been eating up entirely too much of my life lately, and the blog novel has eaten up the other bits. I will be returning to add some things to this blog soon, but in the meantime, go over and read the final chapter and prologue of my blog novel, Under the Amoral Bridge. I'm quite happy with the ending. The future looks productive, as I've another idea for a Bridge blog novel and some other writing rattling around in the mental cooker, in addition to the upcoming political season, the Cubs' impending playoff run and all the video games and movies that I hope to be reviewing.
Labels: Science-Fiction
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posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 9:27 PM
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Bridge Chapter 12 Posted
Posted on
Friday, June 27, 2008
by Gary A. Ballard
My blog novel, Under the Amoral Bridge, has been updated. I've added a new Chapter, Chapter 12 in the serialized adventures of Artemis Bridge. Bridge returns to Angela's apartment and discovers the reason Kira made the recording. Don't forget to keep checking there for a new chapter.
Labels: Entertainment, Literature, Science-Fiction
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posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 3:21 PM
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Bridge Chapter 11 Posted
Posted on
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
by Gary A. Ballard
My blog novel, Under the Amoral Bridge, is coming into the home stretch. I've just added a new Chapter, Chapter 11 in the serialized adventures of Artemis Bridge. I've also set the total size of the novel at 14 chapters and an epilogue. Bridge attempts to return the recordings to Mayor Sunderland, only to find that not everything is as it appears. Don't forget to keep checking there for a new chapter which will be posted on a weekly basis until the novel is finished. *fingers crossed*
Labels: Entertainment, Literature, Science-Fiction
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posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 10:08 AM
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I, For One, Welcome Our New Cybernetic Monkey Overlords
Posted on
Thursday, May 29, 2008
by Gary A. Ballard
This story is an amazing little morsel. Scientists have gotten monkeys to control a mechanical prosthetic arm with their minds. A tiny grid of electrodes placed on the monkey's motor cortex allows the monkey to use a prosthetic arm to feed himself when offered bits of food. The monkeys learned to use the arm so well, they were able to adapt to changing situations such as the food sticking to the hand and act accordingly.
As a writer of speculative cyberpunk fiction, the idea of controlling prosthetics with brain implants has long been theorized. These kinds of experiments prove that the idea is possible, and only requires the passing of technological hurdles to be effective. Of course, this is only monkeys and not humans, but in conjunction with other discoveries such as Dean Kamen's Luke arm, one can certainly envision commerically viable cybernetic prosthetics in a matter of one or two decades. Bring on the cybermonkeys!
As a writer of speculative cyberpunk fiction, the idea of controlling prosthetics with brain implants has long been theorized. These kinds of experiments prove that the idea is possible, and only requires the passing of technological hurdles to be effective. Of course, this is only monkeys and not humans, but in conjunction with other discoveries such as Dean Kamen's Luke arm, one can certainly envision commerically viable cybernetic prosthetics in a matter of one or two decades. Bring on the cybermonkeys!
Labels: Cyberpunk, Science, Science-Fiction
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posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 9:40 AM
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New Bridge Chapter Posted
Posted on
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
by Gary A. Ballard
I've updated my blog novel, Under the Amoral Bridge, with a new Chapter. It's Chapter 9 in the serialized adventures of Artemis Bridge. Danger closes in on Bridge as Stonewall reveals the fate of the bouncer, Paulie. Don't forget to keep checking there for a new chapter posted every two weeks, and new material posted in the off-chapter weeks.
Labels: Entertainment, Literature, Science-Fiction
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posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 10:20 AM
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Bridge Chapter 7 Posted
Posted on
Thursday, April 17, 2008
by Gary A. Ballard
I've updated my blog novel, Under the Amoral Bridge, with a new Chapter. It's Chapter 7 in the serialized adventures of Artemis Bridge. Bridge has to fight off an assasination attempt in cyberspace. Don't forget to keep checking there for a new chapter posted every two weeks, and new material posted in the off-chapter weeks.
Labels: Entertainment, Literature, Science-Fiction
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posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 8:17 PM
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Bridge Chapter 5 Posted
Posted on
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
by Gary A. Ballard
I've updated my blog novel, Under the Amoral Bridge, with a new Chapter. It's Chapter 5 in the serialized adventures of Artemis Bridge. Bridge is assualted during his meeting with the hacker, Kira. Don't forget to keep checking there for a new chapter posted every two weeks, and new material posted in the off-chapter weeks.
Labels: Cyberpunk, Entertainment, Literature, Science-Fiction
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posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 11:41 AM
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New Bridge Material: GlobalNet GlobalPedia Entry
Posted on
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
by Gary A. Ballard
I've updated my blog novel, Under the Amoral Bridge, with a new GlobalPedia article. This week's supplemental article is an explanation of the GlobalNet, 2028's successor to the Internet. Don't forget to keep checking there for a new chapter posted every two weeks, and new GlobalPedia material posted in the off-chapter weeks.
Labels: Entertainment, Literature, Science-Fiction
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posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 10:41 AM
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New Bridge Chapter Posted
Posted on
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
by Gary A. Ballard
I've updated my blog novel, Under the Amoral Bridge, with a new Chapter. It's Chapter 4 in the serialized adventures of Artemis Bridge, in which Bridge visits the Arsenal night club for some important business. Don't forget to keep checking there for a new chapter posted every two weeks, and new material posted in the off-chapter weeks.
Labels: Entertainment, Literature, Science-Fiction
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posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 10:17 AM
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New Bridge Material: Soto Campaign Video
Posted on
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
by Gary A. Ballard
I've updated my blog novel, Under the Amoral Bridge, with a new GlobalPedia article. It's another spotlight on the 2028 Los Angeles Mayoral Race, including a new campaign video by the challenger Arturo Soto. Don't forget to keep checking there for a new chapter posted every two weeks, and new material posted in the off-chapter weeks.
Labels: Entertainment, Literature, Science-Fiction
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posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 4:18 PM
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New Bridge Chapter Posted
Posted on
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
by Gary A. Ballard
I've updated my blog novel, Under the Amoral Bridge, with a new Chapter. It's Chapter 3 in the serialized adventures of Artemis Bridge. Don't forget to keep checking there for a new chapter posted every two weeks, and new material posted in the off-chapter weeks.
Labels: Cyberpunk, Entertainment, Literature, Science-Fiction
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posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 12:37 PM
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New Bridge Material: Campaign Video
Posted on
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
by Gary A. Ballard
I've updated my blog novel, Under the Amoral Bridge, with a new GlobalPedia article. It's a spotlight on the 2028 Los Angeles Mayoral Race, focusing on the campaign of interim mayor Oliver Sunderland. Don't forget to keep checking there for a new chapter posted every two weeks, and new material posted in the off-chapter weeks.
Labels: Entertainment, Literature, Science-Fiction
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posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 10:01 AM
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The Anakin Effect: Jumper (Movie) Review
Posted on
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
by Gary A. Ballard
There are certain actors whose effect onscreen cannot be ignored, cannot be glossed over, and cannot be looked past. Hayden Christensen is one such actor. I've watched him play the teenage and adult Anakin/Darth Vader in the execrable Star Wars prequels and I've watched him play the young plagiarist in Shattered Glass. I've tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, chalking his horrible performance in the Star Wars movies up to George Lucas' terrible direction and piss-poor dialogue. I attributed his unlikeable nature in Glass to the very unlikeable nature of the character he was portraying. Having now seen his turn in Jumper, I can safely say, it's not just me, it's him.
Don't get me wrong, Jumper is by no means a terrible movie. In fact, it's a moderately enjoyable sci-fi adventure flick, with impressive special effects and workman cinematography. But Christensen exhibits classic symptoms of the Anakin Effect, a cinematic phenomenon formerly known as the Tom Cruise Effect. No matter what role he is placed in, nor how good the movie is, I just cannot stand this actor, and this repulsion affects my enjoyment of the the entire movie. It happened with Cruise in War of the Worlds, and it happens here. The actor just cannot extract any empathy from me. His first appearance makes me think he's a whiny, smug douchebag and my view of the character through the actor never changes. It's as if Anakin was reborn on Earth as another whiny twat with a different set of force powers.
As I said, the movie is not a bad one. The story is very loosely based on the Steven Gould novel of the same name, about a teenager, David Rice, who learns he can teleport to any place he has been or can picture in his mind. Upon gaining the power, he leaves his abusive father and moves to New York, where he robs a bank and starts a new life. Skip ahead eight years (which is incidentally the time period the book covers), and he's set up in a ritzy New York apartment, from which he teleports all over the world daily, living a life of luxurious hedonism. At this point, the white-haired Sam Jackson as the paladin Roland appears to kill Rice for being an abomination. We later learn that paladins are a centuries old religious organization dedicated to destroying jumpers, for they believe only God should have the power to be everywhere.
Here is where the movie begins to fail, thanks to the use of characters who act entirely too goddamn stupid. During the fight with Roland, David discovers that paladins know how to stop his jumping ability, by running 1000 volts through his body, using a taser-whip. Rice barely escapes back to his home town, where his first thought is to... hook up with the girl he had a crush on in high school (played by Rachel Bilson)? Now, we've already seen him jet across the world, banging a hot chick in London because he's rich and pretty, but I can accept that he wants that first love, a love he was never able to experience. She thinks he's dead, but accepts pretty easily that he isn't, even deciding to take him up on his offer to fly to Rome that very minute. Not only is Rice ignoring the fact that Roland was able to find him in New York, he apparently thinks Roland can't track him when he buys a commerical airline ticket to Rome. How did he manage to survive undiscovered for eight years being a complete dumbass? Millie, Bilson's character, also ignores the fact that her not-dead not-boyfriend has just showed up eight years later and stared at her across a room for 45 minutes, and decides that she really wants to go to Rome so badly, she'll do so with some guy who was sweet to her in high school. And of course, she'll lay him like bricks when they get to Rome. After all, a free trip to Rome isn't really free.
The movie gets better once the brain shuts down and stops thinking about the ridiculous nature of this set up, because we get some gosh wow fights in the Colosseum. Rice meets up with an English jumper named Griffin, who knows all about "the war" between jumpers and paladins. The war apparently consists of Griffin, some guy in some backwater jungle and now Rice. Griffin's character is the most entertaining character in the movie, and his control of the jumping ability makes for some impressive action sequences. But the movie never really recovers from those first blind leaps of logic the audience is required to make. It ambles along with Rice making repeatedly idiotic maneuvers to try to save Millie and keep her love, with a sideplot thrown in about Rice's long-lost mother thrown in to give the movie intrigue. It wraps up with a bangup action sequence, but unfortunately, the movie doesn't satisfactorily resolve any of the hanging plot threads. The whole resolution felt extremely rushed, as if the ending was written but some producer had the bright idea to cut it so as to leave an asston of room for a sequel. As a result, the movie feels incomplete.
Jumper is a movie I would recommend seeing on DVD. It's certainly not worth the regular price of admission, and only those who can stomach the Anakin Effect or are really eager to see the movie should see it on a matinee. I would give it 6 stars out of 10. Perhaps a sequel will end better, but I'm just not sure this movie deserves one.
Don't get me wrong, Jumper is by no means a terrible movie. In fact, it's a moderately enjoyable sci-fi adventure flick, with impressive special effects and workman cinematography. But Christensen exhibits classic symptoms of the Anakin Effect, a cinematic phenomenon formerly known as the Tom Cruise Effect. No matter what role he is placed in, nor how good the movie is, I just cannot stand this actor, and this repulsion affects my enjoyment of the the entire movie. It happened with Cruise in War of the Worlds, and it happens here. The actor just cannot extract any empathy from me. His first appearance makes me think he's a whiny, smug douchebag and my view of the character through the actor never changes. It's as if Anakin was reborn on Earth as another whiny twat with a different set of force powers.
As I said, the movie is not a bad one. The story is very loosely based on the Steven Gould novel of the same name, about a teenager, David Rice, who learns he can teleport to any place he has been or can picture in his mind. Upon gaining the power, he leaves his abusive father and moves to New York, where he robs a bank and starts a new life. Skip ahead eight years (which is incidentally the time period the book covers), and he's set up in a ritzy New York apartment, from which he teleports all over the world daily, living a life of luxurious hedonism. At this point, the white-haired Sam Jackson as the paladin Roland appears to kill Rice for being an abomination. We later learn that paladins are a centuries old religious organization dedicated to destroying jumpers, for they believe only God should have the power to be everywhere.
Here is where the movie begins to fail, thanks to the use of characters who act entirely too goddamn stupid. During the fight with Roland, David discovers that paladins know how to stop his jumping ability, by running 1000 volts through his body, using a taser-whip. Rice barely escapes back to his home town, where his first thought is to... hook up with the girl he had a crush on in high school (played by Rachel Bilson)? Now, we've already seen him jet across the world, banging a hot chick in London because he's rich and pretty, but I can accept that he wants that first love, a love he was never able to experience. She thinks he's dead, but accepts pretty easily that he isn't, even deciding to take him up on his offer to fly to Rome that very minute. Not only is Rice ignoring the fact that Roland was able to find him in New York, he apparently thinks Roland can't track him when he buys a commerical airline ticket to Rome. How did he manage to survive undiscovered for eight years being a complete dumbass? Millie, Bilson's character, also ignores the fact that her not-dead not-boyfriend has just showed up eight years later and stared at her across a room for 45 minutes, and decides that she really wants to go to Rome so badly, she'll do so with some guy who was sweet to her in high school. And of course, she'll lay him like bricks when they get to Rome. After all, a free trip to Rome isn't really free.
The movie gets better once the brain shuts down and stops thinking about the ridiculous nature of this set up, because we get some gosh wow fights in the Colosseum. Rice meets up with an English jumper named Griffin, who knows all about "the war" between jumpers and paladins. The war apparently consists of Griffin, some guy in some backwater jungle and now Rice. Griffin's character is the most entertaining character in the movie, and his control of the jumping ability makes for some impressive action sequences. But the movie never really recovers from those first blind leaps of logic the audience is required to make. It ambles along with Rice making repeatedly idiotic maneuvers to try to save Millie and keep her love, with a sideplot thrown in about Rice's long-lost mother thrown in to give the movie intrigue. It wraps up with a bangup action sequence, but unfortunately, the movie doesn't satisfactorily resolve any of the hanging plot threads. The whole resolution felt extremely rushed, as if the ending was written but some producer had the bright idea to cut it so as to leave an asston of room for a sequel. As a result, the movie feels incomplete.
Jumper is a movie I would recommend seeing on DVD. It's certainly not worth the regular price of admission, and only those who can stomach the Anakin Effect or are really eager to see the movie should see it on a matinee. I would give it 6 stars out of 10. Perhaps a sequel will end better, but I'm just not sure this movie deserves one.
Labels: Movies, Science-Fiction
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posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 9:30 AM
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My New Experiment: A Novel Told in Blog Form
Posted on
Thursday, January 31, 2008
by Gary A. Ballard
The time has come to unveil something I've been working on for a few months. Those who have followed my writing over the years may know that I've written a novel and have been trying to get it published, without much success. As a means to promote myself as a fiction author as opposed to some loudmouth blogging asshole, I've decided to publish a novel on the web, using the blog format. That novel's first chapter and introduction have been posted at my new novel blog, Under the Amoral Bridge.
This blog will still be updated, with as much regularity as it has been in the past. That means there will be more sporadic posts, depending on what I've got my dander up about on a particular day. I will keep this blog updated on the additions to the novel. This most likely will mean that The Stalin Monologues won't be updated with a new episode anytime soon, but since it hasn't been updated in a while anyway, that won't be much of a change. The plan is to update with a new chapter every two weeks, with some supplemental material released in the off weeks.
The novel is a cyberpunk science-fiction novel, but it isn't the novel I've been trying to get published. The introduction will explain more fully, but Bridge is a prequel novel in the same setting as the unpublished novel. Both are part of a planned series of sci-fi novels. Keep checking back here for new opinion pieces from me, and read my novel. I welcome comments on all my work, from all five of you that regularly read it.
For those who do regularly read my work, thank you for your support. I hope you enjoy it.
This blog will still be updated, with as much regularity as it has been in the past. That means there will be more sporadic posts, depending on what I've got my dander up about on a particular day. I will keep this blog updated on the additions to the novel. This most likely will mean that The Stalin Monologues won't be updated with a new episode anytime soon, but since it hasn't been updated in a while anyway, that won't be much of a change. The plan is to update with a new chapter every two weeks, with some supplemental material released in the off weeks.
The novel is a cyberpunk science-fiction novel, but it isn't the novel I've been trying to get published. The introduction will explain more fully, but Bridge is a prequel novel in the same setting as the unpublished novel. Both are part of a planned series of sci-fi novels. Keep checking back here for new opinion pieces from me, and read my novel. I welcome comments on all my work, from all five of you that regularly read it.
For those who do regularly read my work, thank you for your support. I hope you enjoy it.
Labels: Cyberpunk, Entertainment, Literature, Science-Fiction
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posted by Gary A. Ballard @ 10:33 AM
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